On the 6th of July, 2021, I wrote a letter to my former diary.

I intended to share a lot of my secrets and sentiments with you a long time ago, and I did write a lot as well, but I had to tear you up thanks to diverse situations. But you know what jotting down my heartfelt feelings for you makes me feel so much better. I was so longing for you that I decided to pick up my pen again and share my stories with you. You’ve been a fantastic listener. You’d overheard my stupid gossip, private conversations, and innermost feelings. You know how lonely I am these days. I’m doing my best to figure out what I want to do with my life.

I aspire to be a contented, self-sufficient and liberated individual. I’m attempting to generate happiness because I can’t seem to find it. I’m looking for a sense of inner calm that comes from within. I don’t want to go out of my way to find individuals who will listen to me and understand what I’m going through. I used to believe that people only came to you when they were in need. And I’m sick of feeling unwelcomed and neglected, which gradually kills you. I’ve always wanted to help and be helped by the people I care about. I think I did everything in my power to help, care for, and love the people I care about. I’m sure I’ve been nasty, unpleasant, and stubborn at times. That isn’t to say that I didn’t love and care for those who were in need.

Love has vanished. When you reject me, it breaks my heart. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please I chose to take a step back after learning about your loss of love. I am unable to breathe and am really weak. I know it won’t be easy, but I swear I’ll close every door that leads to you. To survive, you must forge your own path. You become weaker when you rely on others. So it’s best to isolate yourself and work hard for yourself. It’s okay if you’re weak right now; this will pass, and your time will come when you’ll shine once again. Simply maintain your composure and patience. keep your earnings hidden. Enjoy your life.

People trying to bring you happiness, all those words of love are just a ruse to get a fish into the net, and the truth is that they are incapable of simply rectifying the mistakes they have made. Determine your own level of happiness.

Is it worth it to put your faith in someone who can’t maintain their word?

Isn’t it true that I’ll never find a man who respects me for who I am? Is everyone going to judge me and punish me for the rest of my life when I tell them what happened to me? Is it ever possible to trust people? Will the person who claims to be there for you through thick and thin, who appears to be your support system, ever actually respect and accept me for who I am? Is it possible that I don’t love myself enough to need someone else to make me happy and valuable? Is it vital in everyone’s life to be worthy? Isn’t it allowed to be exactly who I am, rude, loving, compassionate, supportive?

I guess you need a break from everything.